First things first…
Let me ask you something:
Are you holding yourself back?
Is that a little presumptuous of me? Maybe a little bit, but the thing is we ALL hold ourselves back from time to time. I know I have many times.
The worst part is, we hold ourselves back from doing things which are in some way scary, yes, but which could make us SO HAPPY.
And as a success coach who makes it her business to ensure you not only achieve your vision of success but do so whilst THRIVING, it is important to me that you are happy.
“How are you?”
“Not too bad”... NO! Not good enough!
“How are you?”
“Yeah pretty good”... STILL not good enough.
“How are you?”
“Amazing!”... YES! That’s right there is what I want for you.
When we stop holding ourselves back and give ourselves permission to go and be, do or have what we WANT, oh my days we can be so happy.
Not just happy once we have achieved that thing, but happy in the pursuit of it.
When we stop holding ourselves back, we GROW and we get happier.
And when we get happier, success comes so much more easily.
Be Honest About Where You Are Holding Yourself Back
It’s time to get reaaallly honest with yourself. Part of you will resist. The same part that is trying to hold you back and keep you small.
It’s ok that we have that part of us. Call it reason, ego, whatever you like. You know how that voice is different.
It only wants to keep you safe.
But safe at all costs.
At the cost of happiness if we let it.
Listen to it, but then see it for what it is and then tune into your heart, your instinct, your gut. What would make you happy? Maybe a bit nervous-sick-excited at first, but ultimately happy?
Maybe you’ve been doing some Intentional Planning (if not, read this post!) and getting clear on what you really WANT. And maybe you noticed some internal resistance when you thought about those things.
The things you WANT.
The way you want to FEEL.
Make a List of Things You WANT but are not letting yourself have
All the things. Big or small.
It could be small simple things.
Like not buying that top or nail varnish you like. Like not buying that book you’d like to read. Like not following up with that potential client. Like not hitting “publish” on that blog post.
It could be medium things.
Like not enrolling in that course you’d like to do. Like saying “no” to the girls weekend away. Like deciding to stay home instead of going to that networking event.
It could be big things.
Like not investing in that life/health/business coach you’ve been online stalking for ages. Like staying in a job or relationship that makes you utterly miserable. Like letting that burning idea and desire stay in your head instead of making it real.
Are there things you want to do, be or have that you daren’t even speak out loud?
Write it ALL down.
Some ways that I held myself back
So that you don’t for one second imagine that you are alone in this, I thought I would share just some of the ways I’ve held myself back before:
I turned down a promotion back in my corporate days in the belief that I wouldn’t be allowed to be a manager and part-time and although I didn’t have a baby yet, I knew I wanted one. As it turned out, I got promoted soon after returning to maternity leave, whilst I was part-time, disproving my theory.
When I decided to leave the corporate world I had a flash of inspiration to leverage my experience as a coach to start a private coaching practice. I then dismissed the idea as silly (!) and embarked on a 6 month qualification in Social Media telling myself I would be a Social Media Manager and Strategist. A few months into the course I decided to stop squashing my dream and go for it. I don’t totally regret this one as I have a very useful qualification! But still, why didn’t I listen to my heart, to begin with?
When my daughter was younger I turned down a girls weekend away for fear of leaving her for the weekend (my husband is more than capable so this was a bit ridiculous). Everyone else went, had an amazing time, and I looked longingly at their photos on Facebook and daydreamed about having a lie-in.
What Are Your Justifications?
So you will undoubtedly have reasons why you can’t/won’t do the things on your list.
Look at each one in turn and note down the reasons.
Did you include things like...
I/we can’t afford it
Now isn’t a good time
I don’t have the energy
I wouldn’t even know where to start
I’m sorry to tell you this, but those are most likely excuses rather than real reasons.
Excuses, because if you’re being totally honest with yourself any of the “reasons” you listed are likely underpinned by at least one of the following:
Not feeling like you are enough
Not believing in yourself
Not feeling worthy of treats, self-care
Not being sure that you can show up for yourself to make it happen
Feelings of guilt for going after what you want (this one can be HUGE for us mothers, right?)
Let’s look at one of mine while we’re at it, the promotion example.
I told myself a lie about the “rules” of my workplace. I didn’t inquire to validate this assumption that I couldn’t manage a team and work part-time.
Because - if I’m honest (and it’s easier in hindsight) - I was afraid of the answer.
Because I didn’t yet believe I could be a great manager (and I only wanted to be a great one).
Because I didn’t believe that I could juggle work and family.
Because I felt guilty for wanting both.
Underneath all of this?
Fear of failure.
Fear of judgment.
With all this in mind, I’d like to invite you to get really real with yourself about some of the bigger things on your list. Break down your reasons and excuses. Dismantle them. Start to see the truth rather than the story you’ve told yourself.
Then maybe start by going for some of the smaller things, to get used to some feelings that may be unfamiliar to you and work your way up. Feelings you might want to work on include…
...feeling like you are worthy of being taken care of or treated
...believing in yourself
...feeling like you are enough (you so are, by the way)
...knowing that you can and will show up for yourself
...knowing that you don’t have to have it all figured out (pretty much no one does)
...knowing that it isn’t selfish to go after what you want (because doing that will help you be the best version of yourself in all aspects of your life)
...knowing that it is ok to be afraid, but that you can move forward anyway
Ask a Better Question
When you are thinking about something that you’ve been holding back on, it’s time to ask new and better questions.
It’s time to flip your thinking.
Instead of “Should I?”, ask yourself “Why wouldn’t I?”.
Instead of thinking “this is a bad idea”, list ways in which it is a good idea.
Instead of “What bad things will happen if…?”, ask yourself “What will happen if I don’t try?”
Ok, so I’m writing this at the start of 2018 so perhaps having the whole year ahead could be an incentive.
But it doesn’t really matter if you’re reading this on January 1st, October 17th or any other time.
The point is… TODAY is the day.
Today is the day you get to DECIDE.
Decide to stop holding yourself back.
Because when you stop holding yourself back, when you empower yourself, when you start investing in yourself, treating yourself, showing up for yourself…
Amazing things can and will happen.
And finally, in answer to the question:
“Why is NOW the time to stop holding yourself back?”
The better question would be “Why NOT now??”
I'd love to hear about what things you are going to stop holding yourself back from. Come and share your story in my Facebook Group - Self Made Mothers.
If you feel like 2018 is the year that you start investing in yourself, owning your dreams and getting serious about pursuing your vision of success, then you're exactly the type of lady I like to work with! If you are ready to THRIVE whilst building and growing your online business, click here to book a Discovery Call with me and let's have a chat about how I can help you do exactly that.