This is my husband, his name’s Kayvan.
I thought for the sake of balance it might be nice to get his take on things. From the close outsider, looking in on my business and the new life I have created.
Because when we are going it alone in the business world, and we have a husband or partner who isn’t self-employed, it can be easy to assume they don’t understand.
It can be easy to assume all manner of things.
It’s just another way that our self-doubt can creep in.
I have certainly been guilty of assuming I know what Kayvan is thinking about my business without taking the time to actually ask him.
Here are just some of the stories I told myself when I was in the early phases of establishing my business:
“I bet he thinks I just sit around all day watching Netflix”
“He’s probably going to ask me soon when I am going to start making some bloody money”
“I bet he’ll think we can’t afford to invest in my business, he won’t understand why it’s necessary”
How many times have you made assumptions?
Guessed what your other half is thinking, but not actually spoken to them about it? If you’re anything like me, more times than you can count, right?!
But what I have found, is that when I do talk to my husband about my business he is very supportive.
He hasn’t voiced any of the concerns I assumed he had.
So I thought it would be interesting to ask my husband for his thoughts.
It is my hope that in reading my husband’s view, you’ll discover that it’s ok if your partner doesn’t fully “get” what you’re doing; that it is freeing to ASK instead of ASSUME what they are thinking; and that our success can positively impact our relationships.
I was intrigued but also – I’ll admit – a little wary. Because I know that if you ask for his opinion, he will give it. Without any kind of sugar coating. So you have to be ready for that kind of honesty!
Having braced myself for his answers, I was pleasantly surprised.
Here are his thoughts, unedited and straight from the horse’s mouth:
Cori: How did you feel when I told you I was going to start my own business?
Kayvan: Pleased you were going to do something that interested in you, but also selfishly so I didn’t have to listen to complaints about your job. Proud that you had the guts to go it alone and take on the challenge.
[Lol. I was quite a complainer when I was in the corporate space so that made me giggle. I suspected he is proud of me but he’s never directly told me, so this was lovely to hear. So remember that the exact same may be true for your partner. Have you ASKED him if he’s proud??]
Cori: What has it been like watching me from the sidelines?
Kayvan: Surprised you approached it in such an organised fashion. Having never seen you work before I didn’t know you could be organised. Certainly prepared, which comes from you being so motivated and dedicated.
Quite clueless as to what you are doing – am happy with that.
[Surprised that I could be organised!! Rude! To be fair, if you witness my abominable approach to laundry, you’d draw a similar conclusion.
Interesting that he is quite happy to be clueless as to what I’m doing most of the time!]
Cori: How did you feel about me investing in my business in the early days when I wasn’t making any money yet and we were in the middle of our renovations?
Kayvan: Starting *any* business inevitably costs money, which when you are yet to make any money is always going to hurt. We are infinitely fortunate on countless levels, living in the communication era with the internet at our disposal. Previous entrepreneurs and start-ups would have had to invest magnitudes more in obtaining the necessary knowledge, skills, infrastructure and other business underpinnings which we take for granted now. The free resources available to everyone, in terms of online services and information, is beyond imagination.
My point is the expenses of starting a business from home are actually relatively cheap, so when you do have to spend money, being conscientious and considerate about what you are spending it on, will mean you get really good value for your investment and ultimately pay for itself.
[Something that I have been glad about is that he has been willing to trust me on being conscientious about how I am investing in my business].
Cori: How did it impact you when I first started to see success in my business?
Kayvan: To reiterate question 2, I wasn’t surprised it would happen, but was surprised at how quickly it happened. Was pleased to see the gratification it gave you and the vindication doubled down your motivation.
[See! Here is a prime example. I had been ASSUMING he was going to be asking me when I was going to be making some money already in the early phases but in fact, he was surprised at how quickly I created success. Lesson: don’t assume!]
Cori: Do you think owning my own business has changed me at all?
Kayvan: Has made you happier. Has definitely made you more focused. More organised, your time is obviously money now, not someone else’s profits – so you are scheduling your entire day.
[Well he is right, isn’t he? Nothing quite focuses you more than knowing that your time is money but also I would add, having the motivation to keep your hours down (25 hours a week max in my case) to preserve that important family time, makes a difference too!].
Cori: Do you have a message for other husbands/partners out there who are supporting (financially or emotionally or both!) their wives/partners in setting up a business?
Kayvan: You don’t have to understand the business, get involved, or do anything really other than be patient and supportive. A happier partner, is a happier marriage. If you are an impediment to the success of your other half, you are doing yourself an injustice.
[BOOM with that last line, right?! I haven’t thought about it that way but so glad he has! #truthbomb]
And there we have it.
I hope you’ve found that interesting and it has perhaps encouraged you to start asking for your other half’s opinion rather than assuming you know it (as I have been guilty of in the past!).
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